Father, make me humble.

"This post goes out to Jacob, Cracker Barrel, several co-workers whom I consider brothers and sisters, Dr. Horn, Nicole, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Keith Urban, Joe Thorn, lack of sleep, a mind that is crazy at times, and to the Father."

In the words of Jacob,

"I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love

and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant..."

Before coming to this distant land, I was a waitress, or server to be more politically correct, at Cracker Barrel consistently for 3 years. This job seems to have caused me a problem. Every time I would go to work for 8 hours or more and my mind would be constantly working overtime. "Table 222 needs a coke, 221's food is at 12 min...better get a manager...line dipper says we're out of mashed potatoes and green beans....what else do they want , Tables 211 and 212 are being pushed together...party of 8, straw...napkin, honey mustard....ice....1 diet coke...2 sprite....1 sweet tea with lemon...2 unsweet teas/one with lemon and no ice the other with no lemon and extra ice....oh no what did table 222 need.....etc."

This vast land has not remedied the problem. I go outside and there are rickshaws, motor bikes, scooters, cars, buses.....all beeping thier horns. There are women in neon green saris and mustard salwar suits....wait, that one's me. Stray dogs with mange, a stray cat with one eye...chasing a rat, a man urinating on the wall, trash, cows, a wealthy family, a farmer, beggars, fireworks. It smells like chapatis, idly, curry, dead something or other, trash, urine that has been accumulating for thousands of years baking in the sun on the sidewalk, jasmine. It tastes like salt water, chili powder, tumeric, curry, cumin, cardamom, and chai.

Because of my problem, I tend to find it difficult to go to sleep at night; Sometimes, it takes about 4 hours of my mind racing to the server's station and back. What is my mind so busy thinking about? You name it.....and that's what...anything and everything.

Tonight, I thought I'd share some thoughts from the day as I'm trying to go to sleep. Bear with me though, because at times I find it very hard to communicate what I'm thinking (I think you'd find this especially true about me in person) because my mind won't stop long enough for me to speak or scribble down a few notes...just be glad I am actually writing this, as opposed to expressing my thoughts out loud.

From a conversation with at friend [friend: "I'm having a non-country day on my radio.....except for 2 songs... :); me: no music for me.....except the birds"]

To myself [hmm....country music....maybe I will listen to music today.]

"Bye, Steph...see you tomorrow." I guess that means I'm alone again in this house tonight....now singing "alone in this house again tonight.....got the tv on, the sound turned down, and a bottle of wine...."

I leave...go to dinner....say some goodbyes....get to talk with another friend....pleasant conversation....return home in a rickshaw through semi-heavy traffic....just watching everything going on around me....listening....hah....how could that baby be asleep on the back of that motor bike in this noise?

What to do at 10 'o clock at night when you're home alone with no tv, no movies, no books, and you're not sleepy. I guess I'll get online. Talk to a couple of friends...yay! Play Faith Hill's album Hits from online. Look at my cousin's website http://www.livingmercy.blogspot.com/ without completely reading, and then click on Joe Thorn's website and read (almost all of) an article on humility http://www.joethorn.net/page/4/ Humility...this is what I need...what a great article....all while still listening to Faith Hill...."Cry a little......for me.." Wait....is this me....am I just like you Faith...thinking I'm humble, but the opposite oozing from my lips, boasting in my humility? Tim to Faith in "I need You" :"I need you like a lighthouse on a coast" ...me: "Lord.....I need you like a lighthouse on a coast." ....Flashback to James book study (my thoughts in italic, my emphasis in bold...actually...I'm emphasizing most everything).

James 1

1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion: Greetings.
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,

3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. God, I lack wisdom, and I'm asking for it.

6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;

8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
9 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation,

10 and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away.

11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.
12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.

14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.

15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Forgive me Father.
16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers.

17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

21 Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror.

24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.

25 But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.
26 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Forgive me Father. Forgive me. May I continually be a hear and a doer of your Word. Give me wisdom. Help me to bridle my tongue. Don't let my heart become hardened towards the widows and orphans begging on the street. Father, make me humble....truly humble.

".......One of them says, 'you know I've been thinkin' ...Other one says, "that won't get you too far." ...The secret of life is a good cup of coffee...The secret of life is a beautiful woman...'you and me, we're just a couple of zeros' ....The secret of life is monday night football.....mom's apple pies....The secret of life is getting up early....The secret of life is staying up late....The secret of life is tryin' not to hurry....The secret of life is a good cup of coffee....The secret of life is to find the right woman.....The secret of life is nothing at all......The secret of life...."

and my addition....The secret of life is trusting in the Father.

"It's a long way from [Bat Cave ] to the big [country where I stay] and sometimes the butterflies still get me......."

"It matters to me...."

"She's a wild one with an angel's face."

Alright....cd's over. Faith Hill is great....goodnight....wash my face, brush my teeth, take my contacts out, shut the balcony door, did I lock the door?, pajamas, alarm clock, write down rickshaw fare, bathroom, .................

And, why doesn't this stupid blog post exactly how I'm typing in the box?